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Thursday, October 23, 2008

Feeling like a less than stellar mother these days..

The fact of the matter is, I have 3 baby daddy's... 4 kids and 3 baby daddy's.. yes, I know it's not the most ideal circumstances, but it's my life. For the past 12 years, it's worked out well. My oldest 2 son's dads are very involved in their lives and I've always been very grateful for that.

However, recently, my 11 year old's father has become a little *t00* involved involved in his life, making me feel like a shitty mom. I know I should feel thankful that he's taking such interest in his life, and in a way I am thankful. I mean, I AM overwhelmed, with 3 other kids, a full time job, and a slew of other personal issues going on. But his dad takes him just with the sole purpose of him getting his homework done. HELLO??! *I* can get his homework done. I'm more than capable of helping a 5Th grader with his homework. By him picking him up every day from school, I feel like he's slamming it in my face that I'm incapable of helping my own son do his homework.

Case in point -- this week, my son had a diorama project of the dessert due. He's been going to his dad's house every day to work on it. They finally finished it last night. I've never seen it, have no idea what it looks like. I'm sure it looks great, because my son's grandmother is a teacher and I'm sure she had a lot of input in it. I would've liked to see the project. But his dad wouldn't even let him bring it home, saying it'll be easier if he just drives Matt to school to drop it off so we 'won't have to worry about it'. Which I took to mean 'so all your other children won't have to accidentally step/touch/break it in any way'.

*Sigh* Again, I might be petty, but it's been weighing on my mind. I KNOW Matt would rather be with his Dad than be with me. His dad has lax rules, and he's an only child over there. He doesn't' have 3 other children vying for his attention, it's not chaotic, it's not loud, it's not stressful. I feel like I'm losing my son and I don't know how to bring him back......