Red Bull does *not* give me wings

Today in my infinite wisdom, I decided I'd buy a Red bull, just for the hell of it. Keep in mind that I haven't had one in about 2 1/2 years and I had forgotten the reason it's been so long. The reason? They taste like shit!!

But I had been noticing that around 2:30 every day, I start getting sooo sleepy, so while I was at the store this morning I passed by the Red bull section and thought "Aha, that will help me!". My friend Gina swears by Red Bull, so I figure if it's good enough for Gina, it's good enough for me!

So at 2:30 on the dot, I suck it down and the first thing that hits me is the pure nastiness of the liquid sugar taste. ugh. It tastes like what I imagine battery acid would taste like. It's a small, thin can but man is it hell to drink the whole can down. And, for some reason, I feel compelled to drink the whole thing.

So I sit and wait, waiting for the moment that my wings will grow and I'll get the energized feeling. But alas, it never comes. I'm just left with a heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach, all of a sudden very thirsty for some water -- I guess from the overload of sugar to my system.

So folks, I will not be making a repeat visit with Red bull. No way, no how. I'll just stick with my Code Red Mountain Dew. It might not promise wings, but it has enough caffeine for me!